Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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