You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I don't deserve a penis
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
