she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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