I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
