Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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