Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
