Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
