Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
How does it feel to date your dad?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
