there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
