Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
