Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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