I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
