He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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