Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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