So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
