"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
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A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
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His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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