capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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