I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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