Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize