i think my mom watched the whole time
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
