youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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