Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
