Only a mothe r could love this liver
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
