I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
