He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
