Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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