I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
