honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
