he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
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