don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
