He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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