I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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