i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
