the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
