Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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