I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
