Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
