May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
