You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
