If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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