There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
