I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
