I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
