I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
