I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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