He had one of those small greek statue penises
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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