How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You're like the curious george of whores
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
