Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
