We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
This toilet bowl is my home.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
