he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just want nice things and good sex
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
