Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
