The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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