one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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