I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
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idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
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I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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