remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you had me at cake vodka
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
