She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
