some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
