How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
