i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
