i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm just crazy horny about you
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
